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I couldn’t really bear to write a closing blog before leaving Bali because it would mean admitting the finality of the trip, which I knew would be obvious once the plane took off. So instead, I spent my last morning reading by the pool, enjoying a massage and then finally being taken away to the airport.
I spent my last night on the island in the sleepy beach town of Sanur, hoping to have some quality beach time after weeks near the rice plateaus. I must admit I was sorely dissapointed, realizing I was in a rather tourist trap sort of town with not that pretty of a beach and very expensive, well, everything (compared to Ubud, that is). Everywhere I went people tried to talk me into buying things and I quickly missed the sweet curiousity of all the people I spoke with in Ubud. I realized that there were couples just about everywhere. After seeing the kagillionth couple sauntering down the street holding hands while I sat and read a book, I just about crumpled into myself, missing my husband more than I really thought I could ever miss a person. I’m accustomed to traveling and going on adventures, it has always felt like a big part of who I am. But I really would rather go on these adventures with him. Plain and simple. And I am really, really grateful that he was so gracious and caring that he completely supported me wanting to run off for several weeks to a beautiful place to study yoga. But still, I miss him and I hope my teacher was right when I received my teaching certificate and he commented "Quyen will be proud, won’t he?"
Anyway, I tried to make the most of Sanur by taking care of last minute things and enjoying a nice walk around the beach as well as time by the pool. But then I got into a late night funk, swimming in the pool while the hotel was quiet, all the Europeans presumably off for their late dinners. While lapping around in the beautiful pool, I frowned thinking about how lonely it felt and realizing that all the sounds of life I heard in the rice fields every night seemed to lessen the blow of not having my sweet little family around me. I remembered Q and I swimming in the pool at night on our recent trip to the Dominican Republic- how we’d dodge bats and then the oafish rottweiler that lived in the B&B compound ran up to Quyen, licking water off his shoulders. (Thank goodness for that dog, who softened Q enough to finally allow us to get a dog and now we have our part Rotty, Sasha!).
Anyway, during my wet sulk in the pool, a little voice spoke up to me in my little head and said "You’re in paradise and you’re sulking?! Get over it!" and I felt like a lightened up a bit, remembering that our thoughts make us who we are: happy, sad, irritable, lonely, whatever. Then I awoke in a similar somber mood, feeling sad I wouldn’t walk through the fields to practice yoga with everyone like usual. So I just laid the mat out on the sterile hotel floor and did it myself and it all came back, just like that. The feelings of peace, of it is going to be alright, of I can just be where I am doing what I do, wherever and whatever that is. That’s the gift of yoga. So the purpose of practice is not simply to feel good, stay in shape or prevent injuries, although those are all nice too. Rather, the reason is to LIVE PRESENTLY and to be equipped to respond, rather than react, to the world as it is.
During some of the meditations on our retreat, my teachers would say things to prepare us for the idea of coming home. It almost seemed unnecessary for me to be preparing, since my trip was short and it was 2 months of longer for other students. However, I adjusted quickly and still reaped benefits from 2 weeks in a retreat environment and in a beautiful town where prana and sweetness emanates from, well, just about everywhere and everyone. Part of the retreat environment is just being more open and vulnerable, which can make it hard to transition back to the "real world", where there’s an inevitable struggle between wanting to hold onto that openness but then realizing it might make things a bit harder, perhaps causing a return to those old and unhelpful habit. So you teeter-totter between wanting to get through your day to day life without looking like a wussy but also not wanting to let go of the beautiful insights that came forth. Its tough, and I remember it being tough even after short retreats.
I decided Sanur was a smart-ish idea because it got me away from those amazingly mesmerizing rice fields, where sometimes there are bright lightning bugs at night and the sounds lull you to sleep. I needed a step down from that magic to get me ready for 2 days of travel and then my return to the US, where I’ll be back in the big city and back to my responsibilities. So Sanur was kind of sterile and a bit dull, which was likely what I needed. I saw the sun set on the ocean as I boarded the plane to leave Bali and felt wistful as the plane left the island to fly towards Jakarta, my first stop. I’ll be back on Bali, of this I am sure.
My stop in Jakarta seemed simple. A few hours wait and then I’d board a flight to Seoul, then a 12 hour layover and then my 10 hour flight back home to Seattle (you know it sucks when your layover is longer than your flight!). But Jakarta, instead, was massively confusing. I was pointed in many different directions and any formal stop I had to make to show my paperwork revealed that I didn’t have the paperwork I needed or what I did have was confusing. Ultimately, I figured out that there were two confusing things at play: 1. I already did all my immigration stuff to leave Indonesia while in Denpasar, Bali as I was directed to there and 2. I was only trasnsferring to another flight in Jakarta, while many assumed I was here to stay.
Now I must admit that I am pretty airport savvy. By golly, I should be at this point. I travel well and have been in airports my whole life, from those frequent trips from Texas to Minnesota as a kid and then when I packed off to Europe for a year in high school, then to Central America, then two years in Africa, then little trips here and there and frequent domestic trips to see friends and family all the time as well. Indonesia marked the 26th foreign country I’ve visited. I like traveling, to be sure (and living abroad, which I’m itching to do again). So, I read the signs of where to go and walked in the direction as I saw fit. At one point, I tried to walk through a doorway leading me to the Non-Garuda Indonesia flight transfers and a guy told me "No" and pointed in the direction I came from. I explained that I didn’t have a transfer on Garuda Indonesia, that I was going to Korea. He didn’t allow me to pass and turned me around the other way. I then wandered and asked questions and was eventually told I had to go through customs and actually leave the airport and then go upstairs to check in with Korean air. (By the way, I love how I flew on Garuda Indonesia… one of my favorite yoga poses is Garudasana!).
At customs they were all about my declaration papers, which I don’t have because I’m not spending any time in Jakarta and all I wanna do is get on my flight to Korea and eat my bee bim bop, man! I explained that, not in so many words, to about 5 people and they let me through but only after searching my bag. I exit the airport, to feel sticky, stifling heat and find an explosion of people, all yelling and asking me if I need transport to here and "where are you going?.. hello miss!… and so on" and I just wanted to yell BEE BIM BOP! but I did not and simply found some stairs, remembering to breathe and let’s not be the ugly American who goes and studies peaceful yoga for 2 weeks and then leaves Bali and gets all red faced and hysterically angry about, well, basically nothing. I re-enter the airport upstairs, go through baggage checks again and then to the Korean air check in counter. By the way, my backpack is really heavy.
Now they were just thoroughly confused by things at the Korean air counter. The young man working looked totally overwhelmed and possibly terrified and called some tall and official person over to assist, presumably his Boss Man. They frowned at all my paperwork and asked about some form I don’t have. I then explained that I just flew in from Bali. After frowing over all aspects of my paperwork for about 10 minutes, the Boss Man tells me that I could have just walked through the airport to the non-Garuda trasnfer area where someone would have walked me though immigration and I could have just checked in at the gate. So basically, if I’d been allowed to walk where I wanted to walk then maybe I would have ended up where I needed to be? (I think). I sighed and said "They told me to leave the airport and come upstairs through here". And at this point, my lower lip starts to quiver and yes, my little open heart just starts to shiver and quiver and, yep, I cry as I stutter and say "this has been really confusing!" and then I miss Q all over again. The two men look scared and surprised, they shake their sheads and make comments about "blah blah blah immigration" and things like that, so I’m assuming they were annoyed on my behalf, which was sweet. I recalled that Indonesia is a Muslim land, save for the Hindu island of Bali, and remembered in the Gambia how people would get so irritated when I’d cry there, remembering my friend F-girl whisking me away from her mother’s funeral ceremony and ordering me to "wash those tears! Stop this!". It was an odd thing, but something I came to understand as a feeling that tears were stifling and desperate, they didn’t help anyone and in the situation of a funeral, they only slowed down the loved one’s soul on their journey to their rightful place. It made sense in a place like The Gambia, where maybe if you start crying about your losses you might not stop. Incidentally, we say that at work about all the tragedies we bear witness too- "hey might as well laugh because if I start crying I’ll never stop." Well such memories didn’t help me feel better, as I confusedly wondered if in Indonesia they view tears in a similar fashion? Or was it a more African belief in the Gambia? hmmm. confusing. One of my teachers often says there are "extra points for fluids" in yoga, meaning if you cough, cry, puke, whatever, you’re doing what your body and soul need at the time and it is all just a-ok. So I guess I was getting some extra points there for my tears and sniveling.
Sigh. So those 2 men were very helpful and Boss Man had the young man, who looked terrified and wouldn’t look at me straight on, walk me though immigration. By then the waterworks had stopped, thankfully. I’m all about being a peaceful warrior but at some point, it is just embarrassing. Boss Man did a great job printing out all the things I’d need to get me right to Seattle. He informed me that the Terrified Young Man (he didn’t call him that, of course) would be walking me through immigration and if the Boss Man could have sent Q a text message telling him that all is well and then warmed some water in the kettle for my impending return, well then I’m sure he would have. He was right on, because each official check point only led to more uniformed people somehow dumbfounded by my paperwork, but Terrified Young Man explained everything, even going into a back office at one point to talk to some official person who also came out to lift up the little velvet rope so I could walk through with my big heavy backpack, my little sunburn and all my bug bites. They all smiled, which reassured me and I made it to my gate without incident.
See, a few tears aren’t so bad, right?
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Hi everyone. So my computer is being slow or else I’d post some more pictures, but I guess that will have to wait until later.
Everything is quite good and I’m feeling just chilllll…… I’ve been staying busy with yoga, walking and studying the Upanishads, as well as the occasional dinner or lunch with fellow students. Yesterday I had a consultation with an Ayurvedic doctor, something I’ve wanted to do for a long time. The cost is much less here in Bali than in the states, for sure. The consultation was very illuminating and also quite validating as many of the things that came through were things I’d felt I have going on anyway. The doctor recommended I do a 3 day fast and also recommended some other treatments. I am going to do the fast during my travel time, since I’m just sitting around anyway. So now I’m doing kind of a pre-fast, eating mainly cooked vegetables but not any rice, bread or anything like that. My favorite part of the experience was receiving a “prescription”, which was 2 written pages with everything from what I should and shouldn’t eat regularly, what to do in the wintertime, etc. Very different from a Western doctor who simply gives a pill. Interestingly, one of the imbalances I’m dealing with, which manifests as anxiety and feeling unsure (vata imbalance), is thought to be a result of my partying and unhealthy days as a teen and young adult. Amazing that it had such an effect on my immune system that I still feel it at 32. It was very wonderful to hear from the doctor that the anxiety is very unnatural for me, that my natural constitution is very steady and energetic, secure and able to deal with a lot of stress without any big worries. She said “that stuff, it isn’t you at all!” which explains why the anxiety, when it comes up, has been so challenging for me to deal with. Anyway, I’m glad to know everything that is going on so I can do something about it.
So the time here is winding down. I’ll be spending Saturday, my last night in Bali, at the beach and then I fly out on Sunday.
Things are great. The yoga is wonderful, the island is amazing and I’m extremely grateful for my teachers and the other students I’m sharing this experience with. I’m also excited to eventually go home to see my loved ones there. So I feel very blessed.
Om shanti!
Left knee popping whenever extended and bearing weight (like walking up stairs).
Left side of the body is much weaker than right; the psoas doesn’t seem to do much work over there.
Limited range of motion in both shoulder joints; cannot bear weight on arms without first laterally rotating.
Very short humerus bones, especially in relation to torso.
Tight shoulder muscles (and then some).
Elbow joint does not go to full 180 degrees but is a bit short of that.
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So I’m not perfect and actually far from it. I’m thankful for this knowledge so that I can understand my body. Then I can take the best care of myself possible.
My arms are like your arms, Mr. T-Rex.
I meant to start writing this earlier, but I was just occupied with a wasp in the bathroom. After several tries, I successfully trapped it in a cup and then let it outside. Phew! A large wasp is not something I want to face in the middle of the night.
How it can be possible that an island like Bali is on this earth and I have been on this earth for roughly 12,000 days, yet it has taken me this long to get here? And then I only stay for 2 weeks? Why not longer? Why not get a lease that would cost, like, 1/100th of my rent in Seattle and just chill here? Q and Sasha would surely love it here as well, and maybe Bobby too (that’s a big maybe). I could make paintings, tempeh, mandalas, offerings, I dunno I could make something. My main occupation would be just to smile and say “hello!” in a sweet sing songly voice.
Things are in full swing, as they well should be since I left the US one week ago. I feel acclimated to the time, I’m enjoying the food and really enjoying all of the yoga. I have more freckles, flip flop tan lines and am accustomed to hearing frog sounds while going to sleep.
Bali is amazing but as my teachers said, it can also bring you to your knees. Many of the students have been ill and very challenged. I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if I woke up ill, and I’ve certainly been there before! I had a crying spell in our meditation this morning, which happens every once in a while and usually feels quite cathartic. During the meditation, my teacher spoke of a quote about the work of “transforming something ugly into something beautiful” (I think that’s what it was) and it really struck a chord with me, reminding me of my amazing and difficult line of work. I think that’s what we do as social workers every day- trying to pull the shining, sparkling hopeful thread out of a giant mess of sadness and dysfunction. So I felt a bit on my knees, emotionally anyway, in this meditation.
During the morning’s check in, I told everyone that how I’d like to sign a lease to stay here and that my husband could come here too. One of my teachers told me to realize that when you say certain things, Bali has a way of listening and making those things happen. I think she may be on to something because I do recall telling her well over a year ago that I wished I could go to Bali with them. She paused and looked at me seriously and said “I just have a feeling that you’ll end up in Bali with us someday” and well, here I am.
All this to say I’m having a great time. I feel peaceful and yet energized.
I moved into a new place. Before, I was in a nice cottage in a place that was kind of like a tourist camp. For any readers who were in Peace Corps with me in The Gambia, it was a lot like Tendaba, where we did our training. There is a swimming pool, a common area for dining, and lots of nice folks who work there. It is kind of an all-in-one type of place. The best part is they even have Wi-Fi that is faster than the Wi-Fi at my house in Seattle! But that place quickly became old, just as Tendaba did years ago. I paid lot for the room, for Ubud standards. What really got to me was that my bathroom floor was always wet, with a giant murky puddle right in front of the sink. Now I know this is the tropics and there are bugs, mice, mean dogs, and so on. But really? A big nasty puddle that doesn’t even get cleaned up? When most bathrooms here are designed with a drain in the floor for this very reason? Ew. I continally forgot about and stepped in the standing water while brushing my teeth. Another issue with the bathroom was that it shared walls with bathrooms for the guests on either side of me. Thin walls. In the tropics. I’ll just leave it at that.
Although this is the high season for tourism, I tried my luck and walked all over in hopes of finding a different place. After checking out many guest houses, homestays and villas (all full), I nearly gave up. But then I found this wonderful guest house. It is half the cost of my room at the other place and yes, I have my own HOUSE. Sweet! So I can make my own coffee and enjoy a puddle free bathroom. The house is owned by a very nice man named Made (mah-deh, one of the most common names here which means second born child.) He is a painting professor and got his MFA in Florida. At the front of the compound is his art gallery and his art studio and in the back are several guest houses. If you’ve been reading all my posts you’ll realize by now that I am quite enamored with rice fields and lucky me, I have a beautiful view of them right outside the door.
Entrance to the guest house
Main room.
Here is the little yoga room
Kitchen, complete with bunch of yummy bananas!
Steep steps upstairs. Left knee is not digging on these steps!
Bedroom.
Upstairs balcony with view of the rice field.
Another balcony view of the rice field.
Feelin' pretty happy!
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Well I’m now training with my teachers again and how quickly the tone of my time here has shifted. Having something to fill up my time creates a whole new feel. And yet saying that yoga “fills my time” doesn’t seem to adequately explain how this practice feeds me, informs me and peaks my curiousity like no other. Still, while in a tropical locale for several weeks, it is helpful to have hours of the day in which I need to be somewhere doing something. The leisure time by the pool becomes more relaxing, the solo dinners offer an opporunity to review anatomy information.
There are 9 other students here, but most of them have been in Bali for 7 weeks now as they are taking the complete teacher training course. I started it in Seattle some time ago and opted to come to Bali for a few weeks to complete the hours (Hey, why not?). The other students are very nice, and one of them I know from Seattle classes. The group, overall, is quite young with some of the students in college undergrad. They have clearly come to know one another well but greeted me with such authentic excitement that I immeditately felt warmly included. My teachers seem to be right at home here in Bali, as they have often said in their studio in Seattle. It is wonderful to be with them in this space overlooking lush fields- it is so different then their Seattle studio right in the University district where they have to warn to be careful when walking to your car at night and the fire station across the street is constantly blaring the fire truck sirens. And yet, their studio in Seattle seems to fits right in the gritty city and just the same, their studio here fits in the calm and serene island of Bali.
The beautiful practice space at Bob & Ki's.
We do yoga asana, meditation and pranayaya from 9-12 and then break until 4, when we then get together again for anatomy lesson for about 1.5 hour. We finish at just before 6 and it becomes dark at just a bit after 6. Thus, it was nearly dark once I walked back to my cottage.
Last night I imagined there were all sorts of things I could do, like go into town to see dancing or go to the movie night at a yoga studio in Ubud. But I barely had the energy to shower and have a quiet dinner next door. I reviewed the anatomy lesson but didn’t have the brain power to do the homework, which I plan to complete during today’s afternoon break. I then came back to my room and fell asleep before 9 pm. I woke up at 10:30 to gusts of rain beating down on the roof. This has happened quite a bit, which is interesting as Bali is supposedly in the dry season right now.
Today I am going to look into staying at a different place because there are many options. The place I’m staying now is quite nice but also rather expensive. One of the other students asked if I’d be interested in staying in her bungalow, which I may check out but I am also really enjoying this feel of living alone for a few weeks. During my walk through the rice fields from yoga, I noticed some beautiful places to stay right in the fields close to the canal that runs along to irrigate the fields. What a peaceful area! And also, I think it would feel more rural and authentic, near Balinese compounds rather than near many other tourist homestays like where I am staying now.
Well it is early and time for me to get ready for today’s yoga adventure.
Ready for adventure! Well, ready for calm, quiet adventure anyway.
Om shanti!
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Well in trying to update wordpress, I somehow lost my previous blog postings. I’m not too thrilled about it, but then again didn’t post a whole lot on this blog since I created it last year. I guess it is an excuse for a new start!
Welcome to WordPress. This is your first post. Edit or delete it, then start blogging!
Yoga has been keeping me going, although my practice is sporadic and odd these days. My teachers leave Seattle every summer to teach at their center in Bali. While I have missed their classes terribly, I am thrilled that soon I will be traveling over to Bali to study with them for 2.5 weeks and while there, I’ll finish my teacher training program (my second one now).
I am still teaching but not nearly as many classes. When I initially went back to work full time I was still teaching about 4-5 classes per week and that was way too much! So now I teach 2 classes a week- one is Basics/ Restorative and the other is a class on Yoga for Stress Relief, a six week workshop. Interestingly, my work life because an enormous stress ball during that workshop which has helped feed my desire to research and practice, but also to show the students that I, too, have stress!
I am traveling over to Bali by myself and staying in some little bungalow near Ubud. I will have internet access so I imagine I’ll update a lot on this blog to let folks know how things are going and to share my experience.
For now, I’m figuring out new flip flops, what I’ll pack in my small carry on, how to bring all the books I wanna bring, etc. You know, travel stuff. :)
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Well it can’t be all yoga all the time… well at least not for me, right now. I’ve stumbled on some quality entertainment lately that I’d like to share. Yoga books, yoga music, oh it is very lovely. But prepare for some other types of reviews!
Crazy Heart
You already knew it was good because not only is Jeff Bridges in it, he even won an Oscar. You can’t go wrong with The Dude. Netflix sent this movie over about two weeks ago and it sat and sat. Well, tonight we finally watched it. Wow. It was incredible. Great story, fabulous acting, wonderful music and the scenery of the southwest and of Texas… oh it was just lovely. Quite a side note here is that Colin Farrell totally pulled off playing an American country singer! That should bring some shame to all of those American actors with such pathetic sounding Irish accents (Brad Pitt, I’m talkin’ about you).
I go through music phases pretty regularly and have always enjoyed different genres. Sometimes I listen to a lot of hip hop, sometimes lots of classic rock like Zeppelin and the Beatles. Sometimes I get into old 90s music, those phases tend to last a while especially since my husband and I always agree on those old standbys like Nirvana and the Pixies (although I laugh whenever Temple of the Dog comes up on my Itunes). Anyway, I think this movie is going to have me pulling out albums by Steve Earle, Lucinda Williams, Townes Van Zant, you know, the good country music! Mmm. Listening to all these great musicians provide a great soundtrack for my Bali trip.
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Ryan Bingham – The Weary Kind .mp3
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“Lucky Man” The Verve
Speaking of 90s music-er, late 90s anyway, I do vaguely recall this band and everyone loving that one song they did, “Bittersweet Symphony” and I was like eh… but anyway, have you heard that whole album? It is fabulous! I just can’t get enough of this song “Lucky Man”. Youtube wouldn’t let me embed the actual video, but here ya go.
Popout
Little Bee by Chris Cleave
My mom not only recommended this book, she even let me borrow her copy. Due to this captivating story, I endured some sleepy mornings from staying up entirely too late reading the night before. The main character is a teenage girl named Little Bee from Nigeria and the dark but surprising story told is how she came to know a couple from the suburbs of London and eventually met their young son who wore a Batman costume all day, every day. This author pulled off some potentially awkward approaches to the story, for instance the story did not unfold in a very linear fashion and also was told by two narrators. But, it worked and it worked quite well.
This story makes me want to start a book club so I can chat with some lovely readers about this captivating story. But for the rest of you, you should just read it and I don’t want to ruin it. But it isn’t for the weary kind (heh!), as it does have some graphic scenes and is a rather dark tale. Still, the violence of the story told is peppered with amazing little sparkles of goodness and compassion from surprising sources.
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Street Yoga is not just for Portlanders anymore! The organization that seeks to bring yoga to homeless and at risk youth is now in Seattle. More and more volunteer opportunities are available. Also, there will soon be monthly potlucks for all the yogis with the thirst for social activism. What a great opportunity to eat healthy snacks and chat about yoga and youth! This is a great community and the potlucks will not just provide a fun time for socializing but also will offer some opportunities for informal training and practical tips.
Some upcoming events:
- Lululemon in University Village in Seattle will be featuring Street Yoga in April and May! As part of this feature there will be FREE classes every Saturday morning for six weeks. I will be teaching on April 18th and April 25th! Perhaps we can even cuss while doing Tree Pose, just like the kids in Street Yoga! Okay, maybe not…
- Lululemon will also be doing a fundraiser for Street Yoga on May 16th at 11 am in Cal Anderson Park in Capital Hill.
- Street Yoga will conduct a Teacher Training in Seattle in May. It will be at Ryther Child Center, my place of work
It is a great teacher training for people in social services interested in yoga or for yogis interested in how to bring yoga to at risk youth. This will take place May 28-30!
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