Having a life
It’s been a couple months since I graduated from school and now I’m about to hit my 3 months of being hired on in the job I’m doing now. I’ve been well aware that working in social services is not eary work, nor is it well paid, but its what I decided to do and what I’ve felt that I am good at. I heard lots of stories, like “Oh my cousin was a social worker, and she burnt out and now she sells lollipops in the mall” and things like that. Somehow, I thought I’d be different. I am tough, these things won’t bother me, I’ll do just great. But hey, I’m human and I’m not that special to be spared from getting worn out. Oh no. There were lots of warning signs that I was carrying my work around with me. Just look at this blog for gods sake. I barely have posted since I graduated, sometimes I sit down to post and I have no idea to write because I’ve just thought about work.
The final straw was a totally crappy night of sleep, full of bizarre dreams of work. “Everyone dreams about work,” Mike told me. But I don’t think people have haunting dreams about incomplete work and how it created terrible situations for people…. That’s bullshit, I told my subconscious mind. This must stop, right now. I mean it.
I realized how much I’d talk about work at home. Not just normal work stories, like positive things, anecdotes or an innane account of spilling coffee on myself while on the phone. No, I spent my time OFF from work venting and rambling to BOTH of my roommates about the stresses and aggravations of what was going on. So I’m done with it. Done. I need a life outside of all of that. I can have a rich, fulfilling work life but I need a peaceful and enjoyable life outside of work as well. So, I’m getting back to the basics. I’m taking a 3 day a week yoga intensive course for a month. My painting easel is set up. Drum lessons. Walks. Knitting. Watching friends episodes. Looking for great music to listen to. Hanging with friends. Sitting. Enjoying. Laughing. Yep.
Listening to:
Tom Waits- Orphans.
(SO awesome, best birthday present ever)
Dude! The whole reason I went back to school, which was a totally split-second decision, is because I hate my job and couldn’t stop thinking about it no matter what I was doing. I was consumed with thoughts of it, dread of it every second I wasn’t there, dreams about it, etc. And it’s not like it’s any fantastic job, or job I went to school for. No, it’s just a shit job where I get shit on (seriously, I’m not just being negative). So back to school I went, and went part-time at work so I’m only there 4 hours a day, and one hour is before any other people get there. I think I just want to stay in school forever.